Quis custodiet ipsos custodes – a Watchmen review

As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light of meaning in the darkness of mere being. – C.G Jung

One of the measures of geekdom is a geek’s familiarity with The Watchmen, I believe.

If you hadn’t heard of it before the movie was announced, then you’re probably what I today will call a Spartan Geek. You play Halo with the bros (or I guess Call of Duty or Gears of War recently…one of those Microsoft games) and you liked The Dark Knight, so you’re an example of the mainstreaming of geekiness.

On the opposite extreme, if you’ve been reading and re-reading Watchmen since childhood, have a strong opinion one way or another about Zack Snyder directing the upcoming movie, and you’ve dressed up as a Watchmen character for Halloween, you’re in the Ozymandius category of geekdom. You import Japanese RPGs. You’ve written a letter to Dan DiDo or Joe Quesada. And you’ve cosplayed in some way.

Also, you get this:

Sean Whitmore and Brian Hanvey

Now, naturally, geekiness is a vast spectrum and you can achieve Full God Level Geekiness without having read the Watchmen, but at some point, one of your geek contacts is going to bother you about it. My personal inspiration to read it came from a friend who approaches Ozymandius level and who dressed up as Watchmen’s Rorschach…so we’ll call him Rorschach. He and others like him lauded the book’s praises. It was “so awesome.” So awesome that they couldn’t describe how awesome it was.

Then the buzz and controversy about the movie started and the internet fanboys came out to protest anything that would postpone Watchmen any further. The consensus was that there was no way any movie could do this book justice, but that it needed to come out without any interfering from evil corporate suits.

Personally, I’m That Guy who thinks 300 wasn’t a big deal, so I could only look at the trailers for Watchmen with skepticism. But…I’ve always wanted to know what Rorschach and company were talking about. So I made a note to pick up Watchmen and read it before the movie came out. And I came at it with high expectations.

I finished it in two days though I had classes and homework to take up my time, so you can’t say it’s not a compelling read. But my habit with cultural phenomenons is to be searching for the point that sparks something in people — something strong enough to get them to think about it well after the experience is over. So I was tearing through Watchmen trying to find some big “ahhh” moment that would open my eyes to the book’s brilliance.

And I never got it.

I can maybe see how it could have shaken people in 1986. The cold war was at the brink of an end, society was in a pretty decadent mood, and comic books were making the leap from juvenile pasttime to a medium of alternative literary merit. But I was raised in the 2000s. The threat of nuclear war has (for now) receded. Moral depravity is simultaneously taken as a given and overshadowed by Pixar and the Christian Right.

And comics have always been serious business as long as I’ve been alive. I mean, Superman and Batman have died (albeit temporarily) in violent and traumatizing ways. Superheroes have fought internal struggles involving drug addiction, sexual cravings, and sociopathic approaches to violence to name a few. So, retrospectively, watching Silver Spectre II and Nite Owl go at it doesn’t suddenly make me realize that comic books can be about adults.

It is however, one of the most clever pages in the series.

Part of my problem is that I find comics hard to read. The extra bold words make me think that the characters are dramatically emphasizing normal parts of the sentence, though I guess I understand that this makes everything more legible. There’s a lot to take in with the graphics and text and sometimes I feel like I’ve spoiled something for myself by glancing a panel a few minutes too early. Maybe a takes a sort of organized mentality to read a “graphic novel.” Whatever trait is required, I doubt I’ve developed it fully.

And then I have to accept that each panel for a comic can’t necessarily be da Vinci. Some details get lost in Gibbon’s work. Sometimes everything seems cartoony. By its nature, the book is dark and muddled, so you don’t get many shiny and attractive panels. The style seems very “80’s comic book” to me which is not bad, but not very distinctive for the “greatest graphic novel of all time” in my view.

Even so, I would rather have had 50 more pages of comic panels and ten less pages of text. The idea of book excerpts, newspaper clippings, and psychatric reports are great in theory…but not when taken that far. It was hard to slough through Dan Dreiburg’s talk about ****ing owls. The exception was actually Rorschach’s backstory. This turned out to be the most interesting supplement.

But these are givens. It’s a comic book. Putting that aside, what about the story?

Well, it’s good. You’ve got some interesting characters and their world is reasonably believable, to a point. The conspiracy to get rid of costumed heroes can sometimes seem contrived, but then again, its main believer, Rorschach, is a bit of a nutcase, so my doubt seemed justified. Occasionally, I felt like characters’ actions seemed to arise from shallow motivations — i.e. Manhattan’s self-exile to Mars. All told, though, they kept the plot moving and took it in exciting directions.

And then they got to the ending.

There is one classic, but interesting question posed by the ending and that, without giving much away, is this: Do the noblest of ends justify the most horrifying of means?

At the end, “the good guys” are faced with this riddle…they have a crisis of ethics…and then they make a choice. And they make it pretty simply. It’s…somewhat unconvincing. In fact, the entire endgame doesn’t seem to stay true to the potential in the rest of the book. The “antagonist” gives a speech explaining his motives that is familiar to all of us who have seen Saturday morning television or who’ve read sci-fi, fantasy and adventure books as children.

Or did this archetype of the Greater Good Genocidist begin with Watchmen? I doubt it.

Ironically, it’s the most stubborn and, in my opinion, uncomplicated character who gives the most believable response. Rorschach never has to make a decision, because he’s always known what to do. While his partners wrestle with the right choice, he sets out to do what he sees fit. No crisis of conscience was more satisfying than a tepid crisis of conscience.

This is all witout mentioning the Giant One-Eyed-Octupus-Vagina-Beak thing with terrible psychic powers.

That kind of made me scratch my head as well.

I will say that, as a journalist, I appreciated the final page and the revelation of what happened to Rorschach’s journal…the idea of the truth finding its way. I like it.

Basically, when I was done, I felt like I read a hefty, semi-philosophical comic book. But I wasn’t convinced that I’d read “one of the 100 best novels” of the twentieth century. The bad guy turned out to be one of Six Bad Guys I’ve seen before. The characters’ pasts were thorough…but unsurprising. Ultimately, I didn’t find out anything about the Comedian that made his life or death that much more significant. And they never answer a very important question:

If Dr. Manhattan has the powers of a god…why doesn’t he give himself a bigger penis?

I give Watchmen a B. And I’ll still be going to the midnight showing of the movie.

Play Your Part: Girl Talk at VT and Post-Theism

I won’t write much about the Girl Talk concert at Virginia Tech aside from saying I went to it and it was pretty good. The opening band was a little generic, but occassionally fun to jump around to. I was near the front for the beginning in a waving mosh of sweat, heat, and disbalance. When they pushed the crowd back, I went back to where most of my friends were.

The whole thing was still an orgy of sweat and heat. Grinding was prominent in the thick of the crowd. Eventually a terrible merger of body odor attacked us and I left to get some water before coming back for the well-timed final mixes.

Gillis was a good performer, though I saw little of him. He decided to play on the floor instead of the stage. But, honestly, with someone like Girl Talk, it’s irrelevant to me whether or not I see him. Greg Gillis makes mash-ups. The music is the performer.

It was like the biggest house party with the best music I’ve been to. And it was exhausting. Two thumbs up for Girl Talk at Virginia Tech.

Photos by Sally Bull / SPPS

Here’s the CT’s photo gallery. (Kentucky’s in the third one!)

—-

It’s almost 2 a.m. and I could be sleeping. I have one class tomorrow and that’s Econ. But I’d like to get a head start, despite the fact that my ears are ringing and my entire body is sore. I’ve long since learned to exist beyond the internal clock that tells me when bedtime is necessary. That is, until I hit a wall.

A good wall to knock me out into dead slumber would be much appreciated.

I’m going to start on my philosophy of religion paper. I suppose I’m going to talk about the idea of a post-theistic society and how that could never happen, in my opinion.

Today, I conclude that, for some of us, you can never be post-anything. And even if only some of us can’t get put things behind them, hose things will exist for all time. In someone’s mind. In someone’s heart.

There. A concert review and some personal musing. Soon, a review of the Watchmen graphic novel and some news around the internet.

LOST: “The Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham”

I miss the flashbacks.

Lost seems to know where it’s going…but I’m not entirely sure if it’s found the best way to explain it. Either way, this was a fairly compelling episode for very small reasons, but not for most of the interactions it sets up.

In true Lost fashion, the episode immediately starts to sow doubt about the new characters, particularly Caesar. Guys who surreptitiously search files and stash guns aren’t always the most on-the-level. If anyone is going to be sympathetic to the Good Guys’ cause, it’ll be Ilana, a.k.a. Ana Lucia II: Electric Boogaloo.

Hot, confrontational Spanish cops. Who knew you'd be able to keep milking THAT archetype?

But who are the Good Guys anyway?

I’m going to go with this rule: When in doubt, go with Locke. Why? Because it’s getting hard to deny that Locke is Jesus. We knew he’d be back. I didn’t realize he’d be completely visible, functioning, seemingly wiser John Locke. I kind of like it.

And then we have the Long Flashback of which the writers have becomes such huge fans.

…Hey, it’s Tunisia! I’m starting to really like Tunisia. And it’s Abbadon! I was wondering what was up with him. And it’s….Widmore. And he’s feeding Locke some bull about wanting to protect everyone. Oh, and he’s telling us he was the leader of “his people” okay…that’s kind of a cool revelation. Kind of wish we could have seen him as leader for ourselves, but whatever…

And then I fought the smoke monster barehanded, I tell you!

What follows is a series of encounters that end pretty much how we expect them to. If the writers want to justify showing us what we already know happened, couldn’t they have made the interactions between Locke and the members of the Oceanic Six more…significant?

No light is really shed on Sayid’s constant back-and-forth on Ben and the Island. We just know he felt manipulated, went do some international charity work, and then, for some reason, tries to protect Hurley and eventually gets arrested. Honestly, not that interested. We get some insight into why Jack feels responsible for Locke’s suicide since he apparently read the “Handbook to Making Someone Feel Worthless and Alone” before harassing John at his bedside. But we knew Jack could be a douche.

They also threw us a bone with a Walt appearance when Locke travels to New York. So, the writers still realize he exists. Also, he still has psychic dreams, isn’t that cool?

Well, no, guys, it’s not the coolest thing. Walt was supposed to be special. Then you realized Malcom David Kelley was growing up into a terribly awkward, un-cute teenager who couldn’t act his way out of a Saturday Night Live fan convention. So you jettisoned that entire plot line. You killed Michael and you leave Walt content with believing his father is alive on the island. I’m with Harold Perrineau on this…that’s lame, guys. You should’ve worked with what you had. Even if Kelley’s lines do tend to go over like lead balloons.

Listen, man, I gotta jet...there's a Girl Talk concert tonight. Oh, btw, beware beady-eyed short men. Peace.

We also should have figured that Abaddon would get killed as soon as he started his own expository dialogue. “Hey, I’ve been off the show for a while, so let me jog your memory. I will establish that I am a pretty creepy guy with the ability to set things in motion, but I’m ultimately a pawn for one side, so I guess that makes me expanda–BAH!”

WTF, man! That's a new CAR!

John’s suicide attempt is the important scene and probably the best scene. It was moving to see Locke so frustrated with his failure at being “special.” It really reminded me of the internal struggle his character has faced throughout the arc. When Ben comes in to comfort him, I start to really like him and I can almost forgive him for vowing to kill Penny. He really builds us up and makes us think that he believes in Locke…and then he kills him when he gets the information he needs (really? couldn’t have figured that on your own, Ben?)

Yes, Ben is definitely not one of the good guys. Not right now, at any rate. Locke, on the other hand, seems to finally be stepping into his destiny when he gets back to the island.

Now, I don’t really mind that this episode only crawled forward in plot development in order to give us a glimpse of Locke’s time off the island. But the conventional structure let me down. Lost‘s primary strength in its heydey was its ability to juxtapose a scene in the present with a scene in the past, thus allowing for some subtle emphasis of a theme. As of this season, Lost is done hinting at significance and is simply laying out pieces sequentially like a bitter old man who gets more to the point after his grandchildren complain about his storytelling style.

But I liked the flashbacks. I liked seeing how the past emphasized the future and vice versa. It helped the pacing and it lent scenes more weight. The key example is Kate’s line to John. “Look how far you’ve come.” Well, yes, he hasn’t come very far in that present. But in the future, Locke may very well be making some progress. But we don’t get that moment of realization while watching the show. Fans are left having to fill in the subtext all by ourselves. And we’ll do it because we love where we’ve been led…even if our leaders have decided to ditch the scenic route. We’ll work with what we have.

Darlton to fans: Alright, you want to know what happened to Locke? Here you go. Happy birthday.

Theories/Implications:

1. Caesar, Ilana, Lapidus, Ben, and Locke all ended up on the Hydra Island, but Caesar saw Hurley and presumably other members of the Oceanic Six straight-up disappear from the plane. This might mean that the Oceanic Six, or at least Hurley, Jack, and Kate, are in the DHARMA period along with Sawyer’s group while the other Ajira passengers are in the present (the Hydra station is abandoned and there are canoes on the beach).
2. I bet Caesar gets shot by Juliet.
3. Widmore claimed he was a leader of the Natives and exiled by Ben. This would imply Widmore was a leader in the Hostile resistance movement to DHARMA and perhaps Richard had a hand in getting rid of him.
4. Abaddon’s been working for Widmore this whole time. He also apparently had a hand in sending Locke to the island. He also recruited Naomi, Charlotte, Miles, and Daniel. He claims he “gets people where they need to go.” It’s possible he didn’t work for Widmore entirely, but it looks like we won’t get to know anytime soon.
5. Ben claims John is important and spares him from killing himself, then kills him anyway. While Ben is probably simply acting out of self-interest, remember that the Island can affect how and whether or not people die off the island (“Meet Kevin Johnson“). Perhaps, for whatever reason, Locke needed to die by someone else’s hand OR die with some faith in his heart in order to be reincarnated. So, Ben actually did fulfill the needs of the Island in his own twisted way.

Can I give up studying for lent?

Well, I did say that I write for readers…even if the readers are representatives of a condom company.

“Dear Phil – For fun, you can create your own ‘Durex Hero’ and post your own mug by visiting the site bedroomheroes.com then select > Become a Hero. Let’s see how it turns out on your blog …” – simonsays

I followed simonsays’ directions and made this:

I feel dirty participating in this. And not in the good way.

There you go, Durex. Enjoy your free advertising.
——-

One midterm down. One to go. Sorry, but no regular updates until I secure these grades. (So I’ll start up again tomorrow, actually).

That said, it’s lent. Simple question

What are you giving up for lent? Or what WOULD you give up for lent?

I hope it wasn't cute pictures of kittens, because if it was, you just lost Lent.

Aw, man. I lose the game.

Tropicana and Taxes

I, for one, welcome our tragically romantic Indian slumdog overlords.

Hello, and welcome to the Monday edition of Phil the Pill.

I’m not entirely sure what Monday editions necessarily consist of, but someday I might.
——

Things That Make Me Happy

Have you seen Tropicana’s new OJ carton redesign? Probably not. Because it looks like Target or Kroger brand. It’s ugly.

In your face, Robert Morris

I mean, what is it with the minimalism? I know that orange juice is a yellow-orange liquid that fits into a glass shape. That is why I am consuming it. The only thing I ask from marketers is a reminder of the fruit from which it supposedly comes from. In other words, keep the damn orange on your box, Tropicana.

Apparently, I wasn’t alone.

Tropicana is now going back to the straw-in-the-orange packaging that we love so dearly. And apparently, Tropicana considers me “a loyal customer” with a “deep, emotional bond” to the orange.

Sure, guys. I loved that orange. Loved it passionately. When you changed the packaging, you ripped me heart out and stomped on it. Whatever gets you to stop acting retarded.

I’m just happy I’ll be able to spot Tropicana from the cereal aisle again.

In more good news, Last.fm swears that it never released user track information to the RIAA.

….Okay. I trust you, guys. Mainly because I never stopped scrobbling, so I would have been vulnerable to any sort of draconian sweep for U2 tracks. Not that I have ANYTHING TO HIDE.

For the record, Arsenic and Peirce were listening to my music library last

It’s getting kind of scary how much we expect the RIAA and the MPAA to dick us over. For the record, I acknowledge that we can’t simply have it be completely unregulated, otherwise artists miss out on deserved compensation. But some music has to be shared. Some programs have to be streamed. Some things just have to flow. And the closer the moment comes when the record labels and major networks become completely obsolete…the harsher they’ll react.

But, for now…Last.fm is safe. And that makes me happy.
—-

Things That Make Me Angry

Obama is full of shit.

So just who is running our country anyway? Barry said he would restore our fundamental values and our worldwide image. He would stop making us feel like a nation of vindictive, hypocritical torturers. So why are we still following Bush doctrines when it comes to international justice? Why are we holding people without charges or trial? This is more than subversive political ploys, Mr. President. You outright lied.

I get it. Afghanistan’s important. Too important to get swallowed up by the Taliban and the Terr’rists. But we can be hardlined and respectful of our core values. Do the right thing, son.

Or 2012 isn’t going to be looking good for you.
—–

Tell Me How I’m Wrong

If there’s one thing I don’t really understand, it’s our taxation system. Peirce assures me that it’s bonkers-complicated, horrendously inefficient, and the worst idea since toxic subprime hedge bond Circuit City stock or something like that.

But here’s one thing I assume we need.

An income tax.

44 Republicans disagree.

The Fair Tax Act of 2009 would eliminate the IRS, repeal income “and other taxes” and let the states mandate sales taxes.

All right…I sort of get how, in theory, flat taxes and higher sales taxes could bring in revenue…but I believe it’s simply that. A theory. Does anyone know exactly how much the country gets from income taxes? I don’t, but to this point, I’ve assumed that they’re kind of a huge chunk of our government’s lifeblood.

“Rabble rabble…that’s EXACTLY the point, you ponsi-schemed peon!” shout the followers of the Church of Latter-Day Ron Paul. “Why should we give the government money? Rabble rabble!”

Oh, I dunno…schools? Roads? Government jobs? The military? Senator’s nice, hefty paychecks? Medicaid? Huge inaugural celebrations?

“Rabble, rabble, RABBLE! Government waste! Inefficiencies! Corruption! It’s my money and they have no RIGHT!”

Listen, there’s corruption and waste, I know. That’s unfortunately inherent in our current system of leadership. But tons of people would suffer if we didn’t contribute our taxes. And…I mean, if I had to pay a 20% sales tax….it would probably cripple me. It’s not like my paychecks are huge enough for the income tax return to be that much of a boon. On the OTHER hand…I think Bill Gates will survive if he gives away a certain percentage of his salary to the country that allowed him to be beneficial in the first place.

We already have lower tax rates than most, if not all, developed nations. Stop whining. What would abolishing the income tax really accomplish besides letting the rich get obscenly rich and screwing the poor? Tell me how I’m wrong.
—–

And now, since I gave you no picture on Friday, here’s some PENGUINS.

Watching tonight: For the Bible Tells Me So
Currently reading: The Watchmen
Stuck in my head: “I Love College” by Asher Roth — such a disgusting stereotype…but a sick beat

Oscars: Who will win. Who should win.

Sorry, I had a weekend.

Much studying to do, so I’m afraid I’m only going to follow the standard blogging manual and just do some Oscar predictions.

Actor in a Leading Role

Who will win: Sean Penn- Milk
Who should win: Penn’s and Pitt’s performances are the only ones I’ve seen and I preferred Penn’s, but I hear Mickey Rourke did a phenomenal job in The Wrestler, a movie I won’t see, so let’s see Mickey

Actor in a Supporting Role

Who will win: Heath Ledger – The Dark Knight
Who should win: Of the movies I’ve seen, I liked Philip Seymour Hoffman’s performance in Doubt

Actress in a Leading Role

Who will win: Kate Winslet – The Reader
Who should win: Meryl Streep – Doubt

Actress in a Supporting Role

Who will win: Taraji P. Henson – The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Who should win: No real clue. But if we’re going for minorities, Penelope Cruz is hot

Animated Feature Film

Who will win: Wall-E
Who should win: Wall-E

Art Direction

Who will win: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Who should win: The Dark Knight

Cinematography

Who will win: I have hopes for Slumdog Millionaire, but Benjamin Button rears its pompous head…
Who should win: Slumdog Millionaire

Costume Design

Who will win: No clue. Maybe The Duchess.
Who should win: I’d like to see Australia get something…even though, no one saw this movie

Directing

Who will win: See “cinematography”
Who should win: Slumdog Millionaire

Film Editing

Who will win: Slumdog Millionaire
Who should win: Slumdog Millionaire

Makeup

Who will win: Benjamin Button
Who should win: Benjamin Button

Music (Score)

Who (could) win: Slumdog Millionaire
Who should win: Wall-E

Music (Song)

Who will win: “O Saya” – Slumdog Millionaire
Who should win: “Jai Ho” – Slumdog Millionaire

Sound Editing

Who (could) win: Dark Knight or Wall-E, both great films with good sound
It would be cool if: Iron Man won
It would be a travesty if: Wanted won. Anything. Ever.

Sound Mixing

Who (could) win: The Dark Knight
Who should win: Wall-E

Visual Effects

Who will win: Dark Knight has a deserving shot, but freakin’ Benjamin Button…
Who should win: The Dark Knight

Writing (Adapted Screenplay)

Who will win: Slumdog Millionaire…or god damn Benjamin Button
Who should win: Doubt

Writing (Original Screeplay)

Who will win: Milk
Who should win: In Bruges, but..
It would be cool if: Wall-E won

Best Picture

Who will win: Slumdog has a chance here, but it seems to be a toss-up…Button and Milk are critical darlings

Who should win: Slumdog Millionaire….but, really, The Dark Knight

Unfortunately, I know next to nothing about the documentaries or short films, which means, goal for next year: Have seen some of the films in this category.

Go Slumdog, Doubt, Wall-E, and Dark Knight!

And we’ll resume normal blogging on Monday, hopefully.

Edit: I realize, I didn’t pick Frost/Nixon for anything and that’s because I’m biased and I didn’t see it. But it seems like the type of thing the Academy gobbles up, so for any category where F/N was nominated and I didn’t mention them, I predict in one of those F/N will take the Oscar.

LOST: “316”

Stop thinking how ridiculous it is and start asking yourself whether or not you believe it’s going to work.

The buzz about this episode was that it was actually written and produced after next week’s episode, “The Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham.” Darlton felt that airing this first would ultimately be more satisfying. And judging by the last quarter of this episode (and the preview..I know, I know…cheating), there are certainly big twists related to the circumstances of Locke’s time off the island that explain some of the latest question marks.

New station: The Lamp Post.

Before it got to the island, DHARMA knew that it existed, but could not get to it, because supposedly the island has always been moving through time. After getting fed up with trying to figure out where/when the island presently was, DHARMA used Maths to try to figure out where it would be. And so, Eloise Hawking tells Jack which flight will be passing through the coordinates during the time window.

After hearing a bunch of malarkey about proxies and such to justify bringing Locke to the island, Jack tries to get more answers from Ben. This inadvertently leads to a philosophical allusion to Doubting Thomas, because come on, since when has Ben given a straight answer to anything?

Lost is kind of like Christianity, but with hotter girls.

When Jesus wanted to return to Judea, knowing that he would probably be murdered there, Thomas said to the others, “Let us also go, that we might die with him.” But Thomas was not remembered for this bravery.

Things are looking grim for Penny and Desmond. We can only hope that Ben’s beating is a result of Widmore or Desmond successfully protecting her. But…most likely…let’s not think about it…

Jack’s grandfather looks pretty young. He doesn’t look much older than Christian.

So Kate rebounds. Again. Blah. More importantly, what happened to Aaron? There was a time when I was sure the creators would make sure that would get answered, but…considering their track record with children (Walt, Zach, Emma.) Still, since I refuse to believe that they’re just going to abandon Claire, I assume they’ll explain what happened to Aaron. They’d better.

Perhaps the best scene in this episode was Jack talking to Locke. I almost expected the body to open its eyes, but they played it realistically and subtle — I like it. In typical Jack stubbornness, he refuses to read the note.

I assume the reasons for Sayid, Hurley, and maybe Kate’s return will be explained next episode. The interesting question is the status of Ilana and Caeser. At first I thought we’d seen Caesar before in a Sayid flashback, but I was just confused because he plays a terrorist in the Don Cheadle movie, Traitor.

Yay for Lapidus!

"Sorry I'm late, guys, I spent the past five episodes shaving."

Of course, the interesting thing about Frank piloting 316 is the fact that he was supposed to pilot Oceanic 815. Maybe his presence makes up for all the missing characters.

Ben’s reading a new allusion.

I can read, Jack, because it beats what you’re doing…waiting for something to happen.

Locke’s note is succinct and to-the-point. Good job, Locke.

So Flight 316 is down and we know at least Jack, Hurley, and Kate survived the crash. There was no Swan Station magnetic anamoly to actually bring the plane down, so we’re not sure if 316 actually crashed (though, a water bottle somehow ends up at the camp). Unlike Oceanic 815, this plane seems to run into a time flash which plucks the passengers into Dharma Initiative time.

And then we see Jin in Dharma uniform driving the Microbus.

Implications and Theories:

1. In order for Jin and co. to have had enough time to infiltrate the Initiative, the time flashes must have stopped or slowed down when Locke turned the wheel again.
2. The hostile canoe crew that attacked the Leftbehinds in “The Little Prince” is ominously appearing to be composed of main characters. And Juliet shot one.
3. Assuming the Island wasn’t just dicking around when it demanded as many recreated circumstances as possible, leaving Aaron behind coupled with Kate jumping Jack might mean that there’s a pregnant woman on Flight 316…
4. The main characters being a part of DHARMA for a while creates some interesting time loop possibilities
5. Bear Force brought up a theory espoused by his dad. Christian has been acting as Jacob’s proxy, right? Maybe Locke’s ultimate power will be to act in the role of Christian as the newest island proxy. Which means Christian gets to go and drink.
6. I’m pretty sure Ben is going to **** everything up.
—-

How was this episode?

Transitional. Like pretty much everything since the premiere.

Before going to bed last night, in honor of Locke’s impending doom, I went online and watched “Walkabout,” Locke’s first episode. There were a bunch of moments that I had forgotten about, but which had contributed to my love for this episode. Shannon manipulates Charlie into getting her a fish, so he starts bonding with Hurley in his efforts to impress her. Sun teaches Walt how to brush his teeth with the plant. Kate comforts a frustrated Sayid. Jack takes a moment to sit next to Rose. Claire organizes the memorial service for the victims of the fuselage.

These were all the touches that fleshed out the original survivors and made us care about them in the first place.

In its effort to reach the finish line, it’s looking as if Lost is losing some of its grace. Every action has a stated purpose. The mysteries are less subtle and more common to standard thriller fare. And we never get to see anyone simply be anymore.

“316” tries to give us a characterization moment with Ray Shephard and the watch. It doesn’t work on me. The season’s trained me to ask “why?” Everything has to have an explicit purpose. For all I know, the writers meant there to be more significance in Ray trying to escape the nursing home, but it didn’t stay with me. Instead, we get an answer with a thud. The shoes. He’s there for the shoes.

What was Hurley’s time in prison like? How was Sayid’s short-lived marriage? What moments did Kate and Aaron share before she realized she had to leave him? What is Margo Shephard up to? Listening to the podcasts, it seems like Damon and Carlton would call these “mysteries we didn’t realize were mysteries.”

But that’s the point. They’re not the answer to some trivial obsession with knowing everything about the characters. They’re the reason we care about what these characters do in the first place. They’re touches. Season one had them. And subsequent seasons have lad less. Looking back on Season 3, it may have been slow and barely plodded along, but it truly cared about its characters.

One of the best moments this season was where Hurley’s mother holds his hand and tells him she believes him. She doesn’t have to believe him. Her belief doesn’t advance the plot. But it’s important to Hurley. So it’s important to me.

I’m not jumping ship. I am with this show until the end, obviously. And I liked Ms. Hawking’s line: “Stop thinking how ridiculous it is and start asking yourself whether or not you believe it’s going to work.”

I believe it’s going to work. I believe because I see the past and I see a vision for the future. I think this season is obscured by movement. But at some point, it’s got to stop and deal with everything it’s wrought. There will be more moments like the Oceanic 6 embracing their families. There’ll be a time when Darlton and crew will realize that it’s finally coming to an end. And they’ll add a few more final, sentimental touches. Hopefully, they’ll also have some last bit of fun.

They’re back. And stuff is going down. I’ll wait and see if they ever get a chance just to talk to each other again.

As 99 Red Balloons Go By

Define irony.

I set up a Google Reader that feeds me all the topics I talk about on this blog and then some. I have over 1000 headlines to read and…as of this moment…I don’t really have anything I want to talk about.

I do, however, enjoy Boston.com’s The Big Picture.

So, when at a loss for words, my favorite picture of the day will suffice.

Bullseye finds a Revenge of the Fallen Trailer

So, for some reason, my computer doesn’t like Google recently. So I’m using the Wikipedia toolbar to pull up the entry and then click on the external links.

…And Altavista for obscure stuff.

Additionally, it appears the Durex ad campaign at the CT didn’t end with the O-girl. Today’s edition has the Thinvisible Man…Like his super thin condoms, you may not notice him. But you know he’s there.

Does the fact that this insults me make me a woman? Or a virgin?

—-

The internet is dead today. There isn’t much interesting around.

However, Bullseye did send me this yesterday:

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Looks pretty sweet. Bigger stuff blowing up. Megan Fox is still hot.

Also, the Consumerist did a follow-up on the Facebook thing. Apparently, Facebook was just trying to make clear that you can’t request for your wall posts and stuff to be deleted. It has no intention of using your shit for purposes outside of Facebook…Slippery slope, Facebook. Slippery slope.

On days like these, random webcomics are appropriate.

Fake Assassins and Real Assholes – Facebook, YouTube, and Hugo Chavez

So, the MC has started Assassins for 2009.

For the uninitiated, Assassins is a game where you are assigned targets from the pool of participants to “kill” with an extended spoon or a projectile sock and our dorm gets pretty intense about it. Last year, I was killed in the first round. This year, my assignment was my roommate, Heathcliff. Figuring I had this in the bag, I waited for the perfect moment to strike…he had to go to the bathroom sometime.

Before the game officially started, but after our assignments were doled out, I jokingly talked about making an alliance with one of the freshmen. Let’s call him Angus. Angus initially refused but came back later asking for help in killing my good friend Chin Chin. Figuring I’d play both sides, I gave him some info on her schedule with the intention of alerting Chin Chin to the identity of her assassin. Then, I moved on with my plan to kill Heathcliff.

When Heathcliff asked me who my target was, I had to think fast and blurted out Angus. I figured Angus had gone to bed, so this would be a safe bet. Then, I tried to coax my unsuspecting roommate to go out and try to kill his target. I figured I’d be nice and let him get a kill in before I socked him. We enlisted the help of two girls across the hall to lure Heath’s target out with cookie dough.

When we opened the door, we found Angus standing there and eyeing the cookie dough. I froze. I didn’t know what to do. Heathcliff leaned in and whispered, “Kill him.” Damn it. If I didn’t approach Angus now, Heathcliff would know something was up.

Figuring I’d make it seem as sinister as possible, I walked toward Angus about to throw my arm over his shoulder to talk to him somewhere secluded. I hadn’t raised my arm an inch when he stabbed me in the chest with his spoon.

He’d been lying about Chin Chin.

Cursing up a storm at my stupidity, I made a spectacle in the hallway. I told Heathcliff that he’d been my target and he laughed, stepping out into the hallway and out of the immunity of our room. So I whispered into Angus’ ear who my target had been.

And that’s how Heathcliff died. And that’s how we both lasted about 15 minutes into this year’s Assassins.
—-

In other news, I’m never submitting any video or particularly exhausting work to Facebook again. And neither should you.

What the hell does Facebook want with our content anyway? This is ridiculous.

I’m starting to think it’s time to migrate from Facebook. If you are creating/know of/want to participate in the creation of a new social networking site that respects people’s privacy, relinquishes holds on user content, and doesn’t clutter up their design every few months, let me know, ASAP.

Congratulations, Mark Zuckerberg. You win today’s People Who Deserve a Special Place in Hell.

"I'd like to thank Microsoft, my advertisers, and Satan."

But the Massive Dickery hasn’t ended yet.

These are me and my friends putting on a show for last year’s good-clean-fun coffeehouse event:

This is part two. But you can’t hear our awful medley of songs. Why? Because Warner Music Grop decided that our 15-second use of Flossin’ by Mike Jones was an infrigement of copyright.

So that’s two of Generation Web’s darlings that are currently shitting on me and my projects.

Vimeo, anyone?
—-

In other other news, Hugo Chavez is one step closer to complete totalitarian rule by doing away with term limits so that he can rig elections as long as he wants. In related news, Fuck that Guy. I understand that people have temporarily benefited from his oil tactics, but oil won’t last forever. The system he’s establishing is no more sustainable than it was in the Soviet Union. And if he truly belives he’s doing some good that the people can get behind, why can’t somebody else carry out his vision? He’s a power-hungry tool and one day he’s going to get it.

40 more years! 40 more years!

I assume he doesn’t read this blog, otherwise I’d be marked.

That’s just so much douchebaggery that I have to leave something nice to get the bad taste out of my mouth.

Unfortunately, it comes from YouTube.