LOST: “Some Like it Hoth”

Up until this point, Miles stuck me as kind of dead weight…a season 4 character with an attitude problem that could have easily been disposed of by now, despite his genuinely enjoyable wittiness. And even though I saw the revelation of his origins coming since the season five premiere, I felt like time spent on Miles was time wasted. Luckily for me, Miles has, for the most part, only been along for the ride, following the time flashers around and looking vaguely grumpy. He did have some screentime in this season’s “Jughead” and I didn’t really care for it.

In this episode, I actually really enjoyed witnessing the development of Miles Straume as well as Ken Leung’s acting ability.

Flashbacks, as always with me, are awesome. Little Miles was pretty cute and a convincing portrayal of a younger ghost-whispering con artist. Punked-out Miles looked pretty ridiculous. Unfortunately, his conversation with his dying mother wasn’t particularly revelatory, aside from the fact that Miles’ mom appears to bear his father no fondness. It was interesting to see how he first meets Naomi, though I wonder how Widmore even suspected that Miles’ powers were legit. It’s also interesting to note that Miles has some sense of morality and honor, returning the money to the last person he conned. Similarly, he returns the old lady her $100 in “Confirmed Dead,” thoug he pockets the secret stash. So Mr. “Give me $3.2 Million” is definitely out for a fast buck, but draws the line at cleaning out certain people.

And then there’s Bram…more on Bram later.

C'mon, man...You really need a $1.6 million bribe to work with this hottie?

Horace’s, Radzinsky’s and Pierre’s “circle of trust” seems ridiculously easy to get into. “Hey, can I trust you? Alright, help me transport some secret bodies.” And Sawyer was a part of it? Does that mean he has some idea of the type of risks associated with the Swan site? Or does he also “ask no questions?”

The Hurley-Miles dynamic continues to be entertaining. I wonder if Hurley actually believes that he talks with full-blown ghosts or if he was just saying that to pry Miles up. Seems to me like the island has messed with Hurley’s head before…but I’m not convinced he has a power comparable to Miles’. While his nosiness is almost cartoonish, his attempts to bring Miles and Dr. Chang together are endearing. To be fair to Miles, Dr. Chang really does come off as something of a douche…but he might just be hyper-stressed about the power lying beneath the Orchid and the Swan.

Hurley would try to speed up the release of The Empire Strikes Back…though he obviously still doesn’t understand the mechanics of time travel. If he sends that in to George Lucas, then he won’t improve anything. Lucas will take Hurley’s ideas and insert his own, as Lucas is prone to do (granted, in this case, I don’t understand why you would mess with Empire). Also, huge disagreement with Mr. Reyes…I like Ewoks.

"No, fat boy, YOU suck!"

It looks like things are getting too chaotic for Jim LaFleur. There will probably be a point where he’s going to have to make a choice to abandon DHARMA…but until then, it’s satisfying to see that nuisance Phil get punched in the face. Also, how does Jack get off being so smug? He’s done nothing to make Roger less suspicious…he’s just associated himself with her. Roger Linus could potentially get all of them in trouble with Horace and the Dharma leadership. Also, it seems like they were right in assigning Jack to workman. He can wipe chalkboards in a few seconds flat.

My favorite scene would be Miles looking at his baby self playing with his dad. It was pretty touching and directed well, with sensitivity. I suspected that Pierre was actually a pretty decent father…he’ll probably be forced to banish Lara and his kid around the time of the Incident. Though Miles has really become comically sensitive. “Miles, I need you.” *big watery eyes* “You…you do?!?!?” Geez, man. You’re supposed to be a badass. Compose yourself.

"And then Dr. Frankenstein domesticated the monster and was regarded the greatest man in history, all due to his ability to defy natural law with the power of SCIENCE. SCIENCE, Miles!"

I thought Faraday might pop out of the sub. It looks like Miles is as surprised to see him as the audience, so maybe Daniel disappeared or made it seem as if he wouldn’t return back in 1974. Either way, it looks Ann Arbor is a particularly significant location for the DHARMA Initiative (is this where Hanso lives?). We have to wait two weeks to potentially find out what Faraday’s been up to in another algebriacly-themed episode, “The Variable.”

Ah, but Bram…well, we don’t know much about Bram, so I guess he’s my first question in…

Theories/Questions/Implications

1. Who is Bram? And Ilana? What the hell is this “shadow of the statue” business? It’s creeping me out. They seem like a cult devoted to the Island’s original inhabitants or something. Also, they hate Widmore. But I doubt they work for Ben. So the question really is…are they going to be on Locke’s side? Or are these the people Walt was referring to in his vision? Perhaps they’re the remnants of a Hostile/Others faction that didn’t decide to follow Ben…? My guess is that they have one of two goals…preventing the end of the world…or making sure it happens.

2. What’s this stuff about “ridiculous experiments” with the polar bears? Does it mean that these are just tests on the testers, much like The Pearl? Or does Pierre simply regard the zoology work on the island to be beneath the electromagnetism and time travel? Also, all this talk about polar bears…we’ve seen three in the whole series. It seems like the writers keep bringing them up because they were a hot topic in season 1…But why would Dharma focus on only one animal? Even baby Miles’ book is called “Me and My Polar Bear.” Geez. They were slightly less confusing when it seemed they were a physical manifestation of Walt’s imagination…

3. Hurley makes a very interesting statement. “That hatch crashes our plane.” So…in theory…were the remaining Losties to try to interfere with the construction of the Swan, maybe Flight 815 would never crash in the first place, creating the dreaded time paradox? At some point, Dan is working on the Orchid, so maybe “The Incident” is a result of an accident/sabotage there. Also, the serial number on the hatch is composed of the Numbers…I still believe they have significance known to a couple of Dharma-ites…so it’s more than a serial number. Unless it’s just utter coincidence and psyching out that gives the Numbers significance…

All in all, really good episode packed with characterization and a few nods toward the shape of things to come. 4.5 out of 5 Apollo Bars.

Fake Assassins and Real Assholes – Facebook, YouTube, and Hugo Chavez

So, the MC has started Assassins for 2009.

For the uninitiated, Assassins is a game where you are assigned targets from the pool of participants to “kill” with an extended spoon or a projectile sock and our dorm gets pretty intense about it. Last year, I was killed in the first round. This year, my assignment was my roommate, Heathcliff. Figuring I had this in the bag, I waited for the perfect moment to strike…he had to go to the bathroom sometime.

Before the game officially started, but after our assignments were doled out, I jokingly talked about making an alliance with one of the freshmen. Let’s call him Angus. Angus initially refused but came back later asking for help in killing my good friend Chin Chin. Figuring I’d play both sides, I gave him some info on her schedule with the intention of alerting Chin Chin to the identity of her assassin. Then, I moved on with my plan to kill Heathcliff.

When Heathcliff asked me who my target was, I had to think fast and blurted out Angus. I figured Angus had gone to bed, so this would be a safe bet. Then, I tried to coax my unsuspecting roommate to go out and try to kill his target. I figured I’d be nice and let him get a kill in before I socked him. We enlisted the help of two girls across the hall to lure Heath’s target out with cookie dough.

When we opened the door, we found Angus standing there and eyeing the cookie dough. I froze. I didn’t know what to do. Heathcliff leaned in and whispered, “Kill him.” Damn it. If I didn’t approach Angus now, Heathcliff would know something was up.

Figuring I’d make it seem as sinister as possible, I walked toward Angus about to throw my arm over his shoulder to talk to him somewhere secluded. I hadn’t raised my arm an inch when he stabbed me in the chest with his spoon.

He’d been lying about Chin Chin.

Cursing up a storm at my stupidity, I made a spectacle in the hallway. I told Heathcliff that he’d been my target and he laughed, stepping out into the hallway and out of the immunity of our room. So I whispered into Angus’ ear who my target had been.

And that’s how Heathcliff died. And that’s how we both lasted about 15 minutes into this year’s Assassins.
—-

In other news, I’m never submitting any video or particularly exhausting work to Facebook again. And neither should you.

What the hell does Facebook want with our content anyway? This is ridiculous.

I’m starting to think it’s time to migrate from Facebook. If you are creating/know of/want to participate in the creation of a new social networking site that respects people’s privacy, relinquishes holds on user content, and doesn’t clutter up their design every few months, let me know, ASAP.

Congratulations, Mark Zuckerberg. You win today’s People Who Deserve a Special Place in Hell.

"I'd like to thank Microsoft, my advertisers, and Satan."

But the Massive Dickery hasn’t ended yet.

These are me and my friends putting on a show for last year’s good-clean-fun coffeehouse event:

This is part two. But you can’t hear our awful medley of songs. Why? Because Warner Music Grop decided that our 15-second use of Flossin’ by Mike Jones was an infrigement of copyright.

So that’s two of Generation Web’s darlings that are currently shitting on me and my projects.

Vimeo, anyone?
—-

In other other news, Hugo Chavez is one step closer to complete totalitarian rule by doing away with term limits so that he can rig elections as long as he wants. In related news, Fuck that Guy. I understand that people have temporarily benefited from his oil tactics, but oil won’t last forever. The system he’s establishing is no more sustainable than it was in the Soviet Union. And if he truly belives he’s doing some good that the people can get behind, why can’t somebody else carry out his vision? He’s a power-hungry tool and one day he’s going to get it.

40 more years! 40 more years!

I assume he doesn’t read this blog, otherwise I’d be marked.

That’s just so much douchebaggery that I have to leave something nice to get the bad taste out of my mouth.

Unfortunately, it comes from YouTube.